Food me.

You may have been wondering where your favorite food blogger went.

Well, chances are, if you tried to find me at any time in the recent past, I was probably busy running, eating, or doing both at once. Oh right, if it was between the hours of 8:30 pm  and 5:00 am, I could have been in a comatose state, during which neither yelling, shaking, off-hour World Cup Games, nor Grits cooking smackdowns* could have woken me. There is also the slight possibility that at that time I was busy:

• Frantically washing key articles of clothing in the bathroom sink
• Explaining to lorenzo that heart rate monitors are not for dogs
• Giving the fish eye to my arch nemesis, the Whole Foods Cheesemonger.

ME, the hungry monster.

But really, it was much more likely that I was running or eating, since that seems to be ALL I DO ANYMORE. You would think that this is a good thing, seeing as running and eating are two of my favorite things, second only to aggressive napping. But before you go getting jealous, take note of the particular burdens of this situation:

1. It gets really hard to carry enough food with you. Three out of five days this week, I have had to go out and get a second lunch at work-- that is, apart from the "sensible" regular lunch I bring, the various "healthy" snacks, and the many, many unhealthy snacks I consume at work. All of a sudden, baby carrots and hummus started to look like doll food. I had intense cravings for what I can only describe as, "a big, honkin' sandwich".
2. People get suspicious. My officemates long ago stopped commenting on my eating habits (after the unfortunate incident when I tried to explain "elevensies" as if everyone did it), but lately the eye rolling has been less than subtle (why were the pastries put in front of me at the meeting? Explain that!). I have the feeling they have an office pool going for how long I can go without a snack, because every time I come back with a telltale Grey's Papaya bag, someone lets out a cheer.
3. Feeding an army is a pain in the ass. Ok, full disclosure: the army is really just me. But, groceries alone are a huge issue! Not to glibly toss around Foucault, but I am always-already out of food. Buying and preparing all this food has really lost its novelty, which could pose a problem for this blog.

In conclusion, this state of affairs is unsustainable. It has gotten to the point where if I sense carbs in my vicinity, I reach out and put them in my mouth without even looking. I may have even finished someone's doughnut yesterday while they weren't looking and then blamed someone else for it.  I either need to stop running, stop being so damn hungry all the time, or find a high-calorie, liquid meal to take intravenously so I can get back to my normal life.



* Before you go criticizing my grammar, I debated long and hard how one would pluralize a grits smackdown. Would the s go on the subject, as in "attorneys general"? Or since grits is already plural, would it then be grits' smackdown? In the end I decided to pluralize both so as not to offend anyone, ergo, grits smackdowns.

Speaking of grits smackdowns... whooaa! How cool is that? I bet you are super jealous that I get to go. Also during the NYC Food Film Festival will be the tantalizingly named "Shuck and Suck" Oyster party at the South Street Seaport. I dont like oysters, but how could I miss the opportunity to shuck and suck?