Step Up 2: The Street Vendors

You may have heard of the bacon mania sweeping the nation. You may have even heard about it here (stop! you flatter me too much!). But once and for all, let's get something clear: Bacon mania is not sweeping the nation with an even smear of pork fat. Rather, globules of swine love seem to be concentrated in urban, liberal, and "hip" areas even more so than the general foodie movement. The rest of middle/normal/ho-hum America has presumably always loved bacon, and sees no need to fervently blog about its virtues like its the newest fixed gear "concept" bike. Sometimes the bacon-fueled blogosphere seems to connect only places like Williamsburg, Wicker Park, and Portland, and the intra-hipster pork love spreads faster than swine flu. Meanwhile, the rest of the country keeps eating pork as they always have, and wondering why our pants are so tight.
       Yes, I admit, I am a part of this trend of foodies with too much time and technology on their hands. I am urban, liberal, hip, and globular. But my interests are by no means limited to bacon (Plus, I dont follow trends. I start trends.). But others out there... well, lets just say it has become a problem. They are full-fledged bacon maniacs-- unable to stop thinking of new bacon uses and products, stealing for bacon, eating bacon alone, even experimenting with dangerous improvised bacon devices.
    It has to stop, people. After reading in today's bacon news about yet another bacon lover gone rogue, I realized it has come to a point many of us thought we would never see...bacon frontin' on hot dogs. It seems that a crazed bacon maniac-- probably irritable from riding the subway all the way from Bushwick in tight, tight pants--has been harassing New York City hot dog vendors, decked out in a bacon suit and caught on camera. And while this could have been a ratings stunt for a new meat reality show, it is still way over the line. There is enough room for both packaged meats in New York, and everywhere else. Do we have to go all West Side Story and dance it out? And for god's sake, don't pick on the poor muslim hot dog vendor. He can't even eat bacon! Its not like he is an authentic Chicago Doguero ,who would gladly throw down to defend his red hot's honor. That poor vendor probably uses cold buns. He doesn't know better.
     So bacon-maniacs, if in the future you got beef (or pork)... come talk to me. We can dance it out. And leave your bacon suit at home.